While coaching a leader named Jennifer, I found myself in conversation with her and her CEO boss.

Each coaching engagement begins and ends with a triad meeting—myself, the coachee, and their sponsor. These meetings are like bookends, ensuring our goals are clear, our intentions aligned, and the coachee is supported from all sides.

During our initial meeting, the CEO shared his perspective that Jennifer could do with a spark and communicate more enthusiastically, without seeing his role in that. Jennifer, with quiet courage, shared concerns she hadn't previously expressed. This honest exchange brought to light issues that had lingered beneath the surface.

Our work together wasn't about turning Jennifer into someone she wasn't. Instead, it was helping her discover why her work mattered—both to herself, her stakeholders and her team—and to communicate more effectively. It was also about helping the CEO see the value of his support in bringing out her best.

Jennifer and the CEO began meeting more regularly and talking more openly, which led to mutual support and trust. Jennifer, once reticent, began to stand taller. Her voice—though quiet—carried weight. The CEO learned to be more honest without triggering defensiveness.

The CEO's initial comment was well-intended, yet it revealed a common trap: believing that behaviour exists independent of relationships and environments. While we must be aware of how we interact with others, success is also influenced by how we are treated and supported by those around us.

Note: The main parts of this story are based on common themes from different engagements. Other aspects have been changed to maintain confidentiality.